All my life my Mom raised me to be a feminist, when we'd play dollhouse daddy would jump off the roof. When I played Barbies, I had one Ken and I got enjoyment from ripping his head off. (Note: A lot of my Barbies ended up decapitated somehow, but I actually remember the night I killed Ken.) I've always related much stronger to masculine ideas than feminine ideas. I didn't wear girls clothes until my sophomore year of high school, and even then it was a stretch. When we got uniforms at school, I wore boys shirts and pants. I was always insecure in my masculinity, because I had no femininity to speak of.
The past 4 years of my life have put me through a lot of shitty situations with men, at least in a sexual way. (In a friendship way, the last 4 years have been most fruitful ♥) This leads me to now. I don't know how be able to be a feminine person. I don't know how to not think like a feminist. I don't know how to not react harshly. I don't know how to give off my point in a way that doesn't offend.
I don't want to be a feminist. It just happened that way and I can't control what my heart does because of it. SURE I absolutely want to fight for equal rights among all genders, SURE I absolutely agree that certain situations are fucked up, but I wish this wasn't my main identity. I wish I could have gone in a major that had not cultivated this person, but it's so ingrained now I don't know how to properly control it and when is the proper time for proper discussions.
So instead, I'm going to do the female blogger thing and post pictures of my clothes and stuff!
Really, I don't know what to do with myself.
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